The Twenties: A Time to Deal

Aaah the twenties! Such a formative decade, full of ups and downs. Full of growing pains. This blog is all about chronicling my life as a twenty something and my lessons learned. Hopefully, all you twenty somethings can relate to the embarrassing moments, life lessons, love mistakes, job woes and friendship growing pains, I divulge each week and that you find them to be both entertaining and inspiring.

Awhile ago, I heard someone say something that piqued my interest. They said something along the lines of,” Your twenties are a time to work through all the issues you’ve developed since childhood, grow and learn how to take the good into your adulthood.”

Here’s what I took from that statement, your twenties are a great time for counseling, whether unofficial or official. I don’t say this in humor or in jest. Get some counseling, whether with a professional in an office with a leather chair and polished furniture, at the foot of the bed with your head in your bible or in long talks with a trusted friend. Start learning to deal with things now. Whatever that looks like for you, start processing through the last twenty something years of your life and deal with stuff.

Twenty Something Advice (for Anybody):

“Your twenties are a great time for counseling, whether unofficial or official.”

Between the ages of 20 and 29, you are kind of in the in between. You’re no longer legally a minor, bending at the word of whatever adult is in charge, but you’re not quite an adult yet either. You’re still figuring out how to balance work life, bills, travel, family and friends. You’re taking baby steps, but steps nonetheless, on the road to becoming a full fledged adult. Why not use your “in between” to take the stuff that’s happened to propel you forward?

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the sun.”  Whether you are a spiritual person or not, you can still find some relevance in this statement. This verse and really this whole chapter explains that there is a time for everything under the sun. I guarantee you, as a twenty something year old, you probably have your share of baggage, little secrets and parts of your story that aren’t so pretty. There’s a time to deal and to tear down old walls, and that time my friends, is now.

imgres - Copy

Each of us has a story. Maybe your childhood was all bunnies and roses. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe college for you was full of nothing but studying, acing classes and volunteering in the community. Or maybe it was full of heartache, wreckless nights, and stories you may never feel quite comfortable sharing with your future spouse. Whichever is true for you, it’s okay. It really is.

The best service you can do yourself and the world around is to use this time in your early adulthood to grow, to mend, to learn how you think and why you think that way, to understand your triggers, to reflect on how your parents’ shortcomings or struggles may have affected you, to heal from past hurts, to figure how who you are and who you want to become.

On the path to becoming who you are meant to be, you have to first deal with the person you have become. Take sometime to reflect. Take a little rest and relaxation to deal with what life has handed to you. Sometimes reflecting back helps you find the strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

– Stephkt

Coming of Age Revelations

My brother moved out this week. Tuesday, November 11, 2014 at noon to be exact. Not that I was counting the days or the hours or anything.

To give you a little more back story, my brother is three years older than me. I am 24 and he is 27. We both had officially left the nest and then unofficially moved back in. After college, I moved north for a magazine internship. My brother is, by my definition, the modern day version of the Temptations’ hit song Papa Was a Rolling Stone. My brother does music and moved to Nashville, Tennessee to pursue that dream several years ago.

A little life, a little stumbling and a lot of growing pains, we both ended up living back at our parents’ home AT THE SAME TIME, for five whole months. Any little sister in the world out there can understand my sentiments…five months of living with my older brother. To be painstakingly honest, I wasn’t ecstatic when I found out the living situation.

childhooddreams

Back when my brother and I didn’t mind being roomies

I love my brother. Don’t get me wrong, but the idea of living with the twenty something year old version of him is horrifying. My brother is messy and loud and messy…..really messy. Did I say messy? We are two very different people, two people who should not be roommates. He is in his twenties now, a man by most’s definition. So when he has girls over to the house (like most twenty something year old men do), I really have to keep my mouth shut, regardless of the ungodly hour it may be. Regardless of how uncomfortable it may be and that it requires me to wear real clothes when walking around the house, I have to accept that this is what comes with living with my brother.

Again, I repeat, I love my brother. But the last five months have shown me this: When you grow up, you change and some things you just can’t go back to, and me and my brother living under the same roof is definitely one. That’s the thing about growing up, you are becoming more of who you are on your journey. Along the way, you might find that those old pair of shoes you used to wear for the road (i.e. old ways of thinking, old friends, old habits) just doesn’t quite fit the same anymore. And that’s perfectly okay. We are all changing and growing in our twenties. It’s best to not try to hold onto what used to be but to keep embracing the change.

Twenty Something Advice (for Anybody):

“To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think. The only thing I am for sure is unsure, and this means I’m growing.” Jarod Kintz

Here are some other coming of age revelations that I have had as of late. Hopefully, you will find some that you can relate to or at least that make you laugh:

1- Telling the police officer that the reason you were speeding was because you were really into the song playing doesn’t get you out of a ticket

2- If you don’t do your laundry, pay your bills, clean the dishes, and bathe yourself…..it won’t get done. Period. (Mom isn’t there to save the day.)

3- There’s no such thing as too much savings.

4-  Spending your hard earned money doesn’t get easier. It used to be so much more fun when it wasn’t yours.

5- Some friends who were there for your club, partying, dancing college days won’t be with you for the long haul. And that is a good thing.

6- The “real world” can still be fun if you are determined to make it that way. Just be sure to take lots of naps!

7- If you have a dream, you and only you can make it happen. So don’t give up on it. Fairytales are not just for the Disney movies.

8- No matter how old you get, you will atleast always be a child in your parents’ eyes (but not, I repeat not, in a federal court of law)

9- Dating is so much simpler in elementary, where all you did was check yes or no on a little note passed to you in class.

10- Change is inevitable. So learn to embrace it.

-Stephkt