When I was younger, my biggest fear was getting my heart broken by a guy. Call me crazy or just a really well thought out kid, but the idea of falling in love with someone and then having him walk away was crushing. It is possible that the fear in my head created my reality because when I was 20 my biggest fear came true. My knight and shining armor walked away and instead of riding in on his white horse to save me, he left.
There were days after the breakup when I thought I wouldn’t make it through. There were days when I was okay and I felt like I was making progress. Those days would then be quickly wiped away by nights I spent in tears. What’s a girl to do? How do you let go of someone you loved? How do you move past the hurt? How do you keep living?
I struggled with this for a long time. I think, for me, a big part of my struggle with heartbreak was my inability to deal with it. Instead of dealing, I stayed busy. I wore a smile. I went out at night. I tried to be okay and be the strong person everyone thought I was. After six months of that, all the emotions I had been hiding came falling down and I hid. I tried to hide from the world. I avoided people. I stayed in. I got off of all social media. I mentally and emotionally checked out.
Needless to say, neither pretending my pain didn’t exist nor running from it helped. It wasn’t until I finally sat down and cried, I mean really cried, that the healing process began. I am talking ugly tears here combined with some even uglier prayers to God. It wasn’t until I allowed myself to grieve and feel every bit of hurt that I had been harboring for a year that I was actually able to heal.
I know understand the importance of grief. Life will have its ebbs and flows. You can either resist the waves or learn to surf them. I have learned to ride with the tide. In the highs, I rejoice and dance in my happiness. In the tears, I have embraced tears as a necessary and temporary friend that is needed to humble me and heal me.
The process is threefold: Feel. Deal. Heal. You can’t skip a step. You must get real about what it is you feel and feel it. Cry those tears! Cry for however long you need and don’t apologize to anyone for it. Then be real with yourself. For me, it took a lot of journaling, running and time with God for me to get to the root of some deep rooted hurts and insecurities in my heart. Tears are a weird thing. They are like drops of magical water needed to get all the bad stuff out. They, along with grief, are necessary to move on.
Then after all the tears and self reflection, healing can begin. Mine finally has and I can’t say enough how happy I am to have experienced this process.
I am not afraid anymore of falling in love and getting hurt. Correction: The truth is maybe I am a little nervous about getting hurt again. It is not a fun thing to go through BUT I am willing to love again! I am willing to try again even though I have been knocked down and I think that says a lot. Although I wouldn’t go back to the past two years and relive my heartbreak again, I also wouldn’t change it. Heartbreak I am learning is a part of life’s ebbs and flows. If you get your heart broken it means that you had the courage to try for something, knowing that it could be taken from you. I had the courage to love and I still have the courage to keep loving even though I have been hurt. The past two years have taught me so much and no, I wouldn’t trade the heartbreak for anything because I learned.
Reasons I Am Grateful for Heartbreak:
– It humbled me
– It brought out my strength
– It has made me more aware of how I treat others and myself
– It made me appreciate my family more
– It has uncovered some deep insecurities and made me have to deal with them
– It has made me want to be more open with people and tell others I appreciate them
– It taught me how to deal with confrontation and to learn how to communicate better
– It has forced me to trust God
– It taught me the importance of self respect
– It made me value selfless love
– It taught me how to be patient for genuine love
– It made me passionate about my purpose to help girls deal with insecurities and brokenness
– It taught me how to forgive
Feel free to comment on what heartbreak has taught you!